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This is a safe space where all genders, identities, neurodivergent minds, and lived experiences are honoured. You are welcome here exactly as you are.
Today, something hit me with the force of a tidal wave – not a memory, not a flashback, not a story.
A recognition.
I looked at my child – seven years old, soft, bright, unfiltered, entirely themself – and my body suddenly knew something before my brain could catch up.
A sharp, cracking-open feeling right through the centre of my chest.
A truth I’ve spent decades skirting around came roaring to the surface:
I was his age when my life changed forever.
And in that moment, my body didn’t show me the “what.”
It didn’t drag me back into the past.
It simply showed me the child I used to be.
And the only words that rose up, fierce and guttural, were:
“This was so fucking unfair.”
Not a dramatic statement.
Not a spiral.
Just truth my adult self finally had the strength to feel.
People think regulation means being calm. Floating through life like some nervous system monk.
Never cracking.
Never shaking.
Never having a tidal wave rip through your chest.
It’s bullshit.
Regulation isn’t peace.
Regulation is presence.
Today, my chest felt like it was splitting open. I felt heat, pressure, nausea, a dizzy sense of being momentarily unmoored.
And instead of shutting down like I would have years ago, I stayed.
I put my hands on something solid.
I breathed.
I walked.
I stayed in my body long enough to let the truth move through me instead of burying it again.
I didn’t fix it.
I didn’t package it.
I didn’t turn it into meaning straight away.
I simply held myself.
That is regulation.
Not stillness; capacity.
Not perfection; presence.
Not peace; self-holding.
Of course it fucking did.
It always tries to sneak in during the crack-truth moments.
“You hold clients through nervous-system aligned businesses. Who are you to feel like this?”
But here’s the truth:
The only reason I can hold clients through regulation, pacing, leadership, and truth…is because I’ve lived exactly what I teach. I’m not guiding people from a distance. I’m guiding from the middle of a life that requires constant self-attunement.
This work isn’t conceptual for me. Yes I have developed a “methodology”, but it’s not a checklist to work through. It’s so much more than that.
It’s embodied.
It’s lived.
It’s forged.
And nothing about today makes me a fraud.
If anything, it’s the clearest reminder of why I do what I do:
Because I know what it means to put yourself back together.
Not in theory – in practice.
In the moments when your chest cracks open, and you stay anyway.
Not the polished kind.
Not the curated, “aligned” kind.
Not the kind that pretends regulation means being serene all the time.
NO.
Leadership is the ability to meet the truth in your body and not turn away.
It’s the willingness to feel the crack instead of running from it.
To hold yourself when the ground shifts.
To let your nervous system speak honestly and not shame yourself for the impact.
It’s knowing that the moments you think make you a fraud are actually the moments that make you credible.
Because real leadership isn’t built on never breaking.
It’s built on knowing how to come back to yourself when you do.
Today wasn’t a step backwards.
It wasn’t a collapse.
It wasn’t a failure.
It wasn’t proof that I can’t do this work.
It was proof of why I can.
Because I’ve lived the truth of what I teach:
Regulation isn’t being peaceful.
It’s knowing how to hold yourself together when you crack open; and how to return to yourself, again and again.
That’s the work.
That’s the practice.
That’s the leadership.
And I’m here for all of it.
I will always believe that the people who can lead at depth are the ones who’ve stood at the edge of themselves and stayed.
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